so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
