i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
