Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
