Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
