The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
