She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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