Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
