Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
