just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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