Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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