There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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