Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
