Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize