Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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