I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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