If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
