I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
