Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
