I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
