The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
