cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
