lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
