That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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