I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He better not be in your backpack
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
