I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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