and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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