so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
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