You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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