Already got asked if we're dating
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
