oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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