Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
