I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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