; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
