do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
