i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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