Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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