Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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