Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
