I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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