I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
