I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
