I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
