I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
