how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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