So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
