I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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