Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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