I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
