I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
