Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
