i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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