well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
