Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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