people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
