Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
