Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
