Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
