Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
