dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
