dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
