I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
