Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
