My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
