If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
