eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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