my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize