I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
