Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
