i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
