wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
