rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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