ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
